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| Humor & Laughter Village: 幽默笑話村: 055 |
| Andy Rooney's tips for handling junk mail/call: received from C Alan Kang |
Telemarketer
Three little words that work are: "Hold on, please."
Saying this, while putting down your phone and walking off (instead of hanging-up immediately) would make
each telemarketing call so much more time-consuming that boiler room sales would grind to a halt.
Then when you eventually hear the phone company's "beep-beep-beep" tone, you know it's time to go back
and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task. These three little words will help
eliminate telephone soliciting.
Annoying phone calls with no one on the other end
This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone calls and records the time of day when a
person answers the phone. This technique is used to determine the best time of day for a real sales person
to call back and get someone at home.
What you can do after answering, if you notice there is no one there, is to immediately start hitting your #
button on the phone, 6 or 7 times, as quickly as possible. This confuses the machine that dialed the call and
it kicks your number out of their system. Gosh, what a shame not to have your number in their system any
longer!
Junk mail
When you get "ads" enclosed with your phone or utility bill, return these "ads" with your payment. Let the
sending companies throw their own junk mail away.
When you get those pre-approved letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to second mortgages
and similar type junk, do not throw away the return envelope. Most of these come with postage-paid return
envelopes. It costs them more than the regular 39 cents postage when they receive them back.
It costs them nothing if you throw them away! The postage was around 50 cents and it is according to the
weight. In that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little, postage-paid
return envelopes.
Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express. Send a pizza coupon to Citibank. If you
didn't get anything else that day, then just send them their blank application back. If you want to remain
anonymous, just make sure your name isn't on anything you send them. You can even send the envelope
back empty if you want to just to keep them guessing.
The banks and credit card companies are currently getting a lot of their own junk back in the mail, but folks,
we need to overwhelm them. Let's let them know what it's like to get lots of junk mail, and best of all they're
paying for it. Twice!
Three little words that work are: "Hold on, please."
Saying this, while putting down your phone and walking off (instead of hanging-up immediately) would make
each telemarketing call so much more time-consuming that boiler room sales would grind to a halt.
Then when you eventually hear the phone company's "beep-beep-beep" tone, you know it's time to go back
and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task. These three little words will help
eliminate telephone soliciting.
Annoying phone calls with no one on the other end
This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone calls and records the time of day when a
person answers the phone. This technique is used to determine the best time of day for a real sales person
to call back and get someone at home.
What you can do after answering, if you notice there is no one there, is to immediately start hitting your #
button on the phone, 6 or 7 times, as quickly as possible. This confuses the machine that dialed the call and
it kicks your number out of their system. Gosh, what a shame not to have your number in their system any
longer!
Junk mail
When you get "ads" enclosed with your phone or utility bill, return these "ads" with your payment. Let the
sending companies throw their own junk mail away.
When you get those pre-approved letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to second mortgages
and similar type junk, do not throw away the return envelope. Most of these come with postage-paid return
envelopes. It costs them more than the regular 39 cents postage when they receive them back.
It costs them nothing if you throw them away! The postage was around 50 cents and it is according to the
weight. In that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little, postage-paid
return envelopes.
Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express. Send a pizza coupon to Citibank. If you
didn't get anything else that day, then just send them their blank application back. If you want to remain
anonymous, just make sure your name isn't on anything you send them. You can even send the envelope
back empty if you want to just to keep them guessing.
The banks and credit card companies are currently getting a lot of their own junk back in the mail, but folks,
we need to overwhelm them. Let's let them know what it's like to get lots of junk mail, and best of all they're
paying for it. Twice!
